Omg god why the fucking fuck did I start reading Looking For Alaska. My heart is currently feeling like a glass breaking and a paper crumbling at the same time. And all the tiny pieces of heart there is left, is coming together in the middle of me. And I feel like that I should throw it up and get rid of it. But that's impossible.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Sunday, November 24, 2013
So I was sitting in class, doing my things. And suddenly (as always) my mind freezes. And when starts again I'm sad. Nothing big tragical has happened but I couldn't put myself. A need to cry out. So I decided to write it all down in the side and hold the tears in until the break. So this is what I wrote. Just wanted to show you. The picture is not that good, so I'll type it in now.
"Kill me.
These thoughts are worse than suicidal selfdestructing thoughts.
This hurts way more...
It's lile someone is digging in something inside me. Every dig, leaves me feeling emptier and emptier. But emptiness does not equal numb. I'm longing for someone I never had and probably never will. It's not even like I wanna be romantically involved with them, I just want them near me. Just so I can hear their voice and witness their existence. It's hurting. Someone who doesn't belong with me, feels like a part of me. I promise you, this is the worst feeling. Because nothing has changed, but you just feel worse and there is nothing to do about it. You connect with strangers on a level that can't be described, but you can do nothing about it and you know, as soon as they're gone, you'll be left feeling empty. And for every one of those kind of people you meet, you'll only feel all good at once, and then it'll drain you."
These thoughts are worse than suicidal selfdestructing thoughts.
This hurts way more...
It's lile someone is digging in something inside me. Every dig, leaves me feeling emptier and emptier. But emptiness does not equal numb. I'm longing for someone I never had and probably never will. It's not even like I wanna be romantically involved with them, I just want them near me. Just so I can hear their voice and witness their existence. It's hurting. Someone who doesn't belong with me, feels like a part of me. I promise you, this is the worst feeling. Because nothing has changed, but you just feel worse and there is nothing to do about it. You connect with strangers on a level that can't be described, but you can do nothing about it and you know, as soon as they're gone, you'll be left feeling empty. And for every one of those kind of people you meet, you'll only feel all good at once, and then it'll drain you."
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