So I often catch myself asking "Why?". I bet lots of others do that as well. But what do we actually want answered? The answers could be so many things, but yet we decide just to sit and keep questioning ourselves, instead of going out of the darkest corner of our mind and discovering all the possible answers.

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Hi
Tbh I don't have much to tell you. I'm just fine. Believe me. Right now. In the moment. But how I'll be in seconds,minutes, hours or days is unpredictable.

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Hello there,
Today has been quite cute idk. K is really funny, not exactly funny. But more like silly. Apparently we are now the "cute friends" in our year. I don't really get it, because we just sit making weird faces at each other and then laugh. You know what's so great about his laugh? He doesn't laugh very often, he actually doesn't even smile. I'm not sure, but from what I've heard. He's got some kinda mental disorder, and some problems at home. Our teacher is often asks if he's ok and stuff. So he must be one of us. J and I kinda probably had a feeling from the start. Sometimes you just know who will need your support and won't push you away. Nothing makes my day better than knowing that I'm making someone feel better.

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Paris

Hello Alex,
I had something important to tell you when I was typing in the url, but know I forgot. Well, I miss you. J said she missed you too, even tho she never knew you. I thought this year, I would be able to get over the fact that the one that I used to come running to whenever just the tiniest bit was wrong was gone. But I can't accept it. It's not fair that so many idiots are alive, while you aren't. Why did this happen? Probably because you deserve heaven more than anyone, but why did it happen like that? Have I sinned or something? Since I'm the one who is most affected by it. Of course your sister was hurt too, but she found her love. I'm really happy her, and I wish I had been to the wedding. But school, and I also think it would be emotionally hard for your sis and I. Even tho she understands me know, I still don't think the hatred for me deep inside her will ever disappear.

Back to life.
I have already been more social than  I've been the past 2 years. I think it's a great change. But I still dislike a lot of people. Even ones I talk with. I'll give you an update on people I'll eventually talk about:

KJ- He's a new guy in my class. The only guy from my class I can get along with, well there's actually one more but he's one of the popular kids. So it doesn't really work out. Now back to K. I started out thinking he was okay, but then he was apparently (I don't know exactly what happened) was a dick to my Ballet-friend. It's something about her liking him, and he acted like it was mutual. At the same time he flirted with some other girls. And then his attitude was like "Idc if you call me a player, I just wanna get to know every girl on this year". And he told everyone that he was the one who dumped her, while it actually was her who dumped him. But anyways I thought that it wouldn't be fair to judge him completely.He really is arrogant and kinda annoying. But he's really nice to me and J, so he's accepted in the lil crew, now that we've lost three members (E, R and Mg). I'm really a straight forward person, so I've already told him that I think he's annoying but I'm annoying too. So that's the reason I think we could get along. Oh and one more thing that makes him a good friend. He got soft hair. I used the whole journey from Paris to home, on stroking his hair. Didn't even care if he was asleep or not. He seemed to enjoy so I think it was fine. 

Az- New girl in my class. She's really beautiful. Loves Mickey and Dance. It says it all? Doesn't it? She's like a soulfriend. She's funny the weird way as well. At first when I saw her, I thought she was one of the popular kids bc soooooo beautiful. She has started to hang out with some people I dislike, but they haven't started to dislike me yet so I guess it's fine.

L- New girl in K's class. She's so funny and nice and sweet. We have some common obsessions like dance, Disney and Dance academy. She's really weird the good way too. Even tho Az is prettier, I think I like L better. Because she likes me as well. (no homo, just here)

I think it's enough people for now. I remember why I came here at first now. You're the only one who want to listen to all my bullshit.So thank you very much. Don't think I'm done yet. I got a few memories from the Paris trip that I'd like to tell you about.

I had to share room with the Balletfriend. She's so girly, and so " miss-everything-have-to-be-perfect-bc-I'm-daddy's-little-girl"-type. Which annoys the shit out of me, but I survived 5 days. So where is the applause? Thank you. From our room we could see some of the other kids' rooms. It was fun until one of the boys decided to get ready for be. So he just.....oops got distracted by something else. Back to the matter. so he just forgot that their curtains were open and started stripping down. We were like omg kill me. The funny thing is we couldn't see who any of the kids were, beside that it was someone from our year. And then the next morning this dude said " did you like what you saw" and we all died of laughter.

Someone knocked on the door. I'll be back later. Finally back.
Hmm...what to tell about now? Ooh I can tell you about the night adventures in the scary hotel. So it was a really....oh sorry got distracted again by new photos posted on Fb from the trip. Yeah right, the hotel was quite strict. So we weren't allowed to visit each other as at all. So this one night, I think it was Thursday night. J sneaked into my room....

 Oh wait I got another story before that. Tuesday night we had a groupcall with R on Skype. It was so fuunnn. And it made my day so much better. My roommate, the Balletfriend, was so annoyed bc she used to be bestfriends with R and she's feeling replaced by me and J. But what can I do? Honestly, I don't think it's my problem. They had problems even before I moved here.

Now back to this Thursday. We chilled in our room and when our teacher knocked on the door we had to hide in bathroom. We felt really badass. And then J went to her room to get a torch. At 12 the mission was to get into K's room. Which way more difficult. Because the boys' rooms were a floor above us, and it was dark. But we managed complete the mission. First it was awkward because we were the 2 only girls, among 4 boys. And everyone was in their "pyjamas". Well let's say less clothed than usual. But I realised how much more confident I've actually become now. I didn't feel insecure at all, and I was only wearing shorts and a croptop. That's quite a change on my level of confidence. But I couldn't say I was as confident as before when the girls joined. So boys don't make me nervous, girls do. That's something I've just learnt about myself.

It was so nice. Just talking and group cuddles. We almost got caught twice, but our luck I didn't burst out laughing. Then at 3am we sneaked down again to sleep. And of course my Balletfriend was grumpy in the morning, and didn't like that we had been in K's room so late and dressed like "that".

I think I've told you all have for now. So byyyyyyyyyyyye!
-A

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