Somehow this is what everything leads me back to. I do not know whether it the writing or the memory of our friendship that causes this relief. I will try to make this a habit, get it back into my system. I remember stopping writing because I thought it was what caused the hurting, but now that it has been months since I stopped writing, I can feel that hurt is always hurt. Maybe writing will help me clear things out. So that is what I'll do and maybe alongside it could improve my writing skills. 

I'm now in gymnasium studying in a science field with the main subjects biotechnology, maths and physics. Let me be honest, this is not quite what I would say is enjoying life. I hate physics and it is just something I seem to care about. But I somehow managed to get a good grade last term, and even though I'll be strongly disappointed by this upcoming term grade, ,I think that is what will make the most sense. I used to love maths, and in some part of my heart deep down I hopefully still do. But the lessons are way too unstructured, and my teacher is way too engaged with the material that he seems to forget that he is actually teaching young people, who are just now learning. Now to the amazing part, I love and enjoy biotechnology a lot. It's incredibly fascinating. But I feel like my interest isn't adequate compared to my fellow students, who all seem to be completely fascinated by science and studying. 

-Quick jump

   - I seem to have become someone I never thought I would be. Now well.... that is quite a lie. I knew that all the underlying pressure would get to me at some point, but I didn't see bursting out like this. I have moments in life where I really do enjoy living, but apart from these moments life is quite melancholic.