Dear
The empty feeling is slowly killing me. I wish it'd just physically kill me, instead of causing all this mental pain. The funny thing, that isn't even funny, is that it's not here because of something bad happening. I should be happy. Good grade,, Holiday. Summer.

I can't even say it's because I'm feeling alone. I have a few amazing people around me, even tho the fact that some I cared about don't give a fuck about me. S,K, MC and E are the only ones I thikn won't leave me now.

You're probably wondering about J and M now. Well,J? She cares about me, but she also hurts me. I'm sure she will leave me, as soon as we finish 9th grade. Maybe we won't even be friends at the end of 9th. She's way too perfect. I feel like I'm the one who's stopping her from being one of the popular ones. M? I just can't talk to her about problems, she just makes me feel thousand times worse. Because she thinks the logical way, and talks about her experience with bullying. She just doesn't get the emotional part is different from human to human. I can hang out with her and have fun, just not have a real talk.And I'm still afraid that E forgetting me. He's promised a lot of times that he won't, and that it'd be a very unforgivable thing to do. But deep inside I just don't wanna trust too much.

Because that's exactly what I did with R, now see what happened. I still can't believe R changed just like that. But worst of all I still care about him. I'd still do anything to make sure he's alright. I'd still defend him. Because if it wasn't for this lil idiot, I wouldn't even be here.He's probably not even an idiot. Since when did my opinion on him change. This is probably just me trying to convince myself that he doesn't matter.

The worst is that this sounds like someone getting over a love. But I never liked him the romantic way. I just want you. So I thought the second best would do.But now here I am, completely lost in my own mind.This was exacty why I didn't talk to him the first year. I should've stayed that way.