Today was the last day of 8th grade. The day as a school day was amazing. We played games and so many people brought cake and stuff. J and I talked about how empty it was going to be. She only feels like 10% of what I feel tho. She's still going to see them in the weekends. They're the skaters.
Funny how I was the one who actually wanted to skate. But I ended up being banned from it by my parents.

Anyway after school I had to give R the jar with reasons to be happy. I waited until we were the only ones left. I was trying to talk, but suddenly it was like my mind went blank.I just stood there like an idiot, trying to talk and I actually think I said "omg, I don't know how to talk". And he was like "Oh come on, just say it." The fact that he sounded so irritated made me feel even worse. So I just found the jar in my bag, and said the most important thing. All I said was "Thank you". He was like "What? For what?". I didn't know what to say, so I said something along "For getting me through the past 2 years". He was just like "oh". My mind went crazy that moment. Because my voice was trembling and my eyes got teary. Even when I said thank you, I couldn't really look him in the eyes. So I hurried to leave.

Just as I turned away from him my eyes went crazy like a waterfall. It was quite embarrassing walking down the school road crying. But I couldn't. It was not like I was sobbing. The tears just streamed down my face, as it hit me that I'll probably never be his friend again.

As my eyes didn't have more water to pour out, I saw some girls from my class walking few meters away, so I walked with them home. I got home did some homework, and then decided to dance. I danced for like 4 hours, and then just sat there like a zombie. But after that my mind was better.

I don't care if I'll stay in touch with R or not. I've done what I should to thank him, and made it clear for him, that no matter how many years from now it is, he can always come to me. He owes me nothing. So it's easy. If he wants to he will, if he doesn't then alright.

Because you can only have friendship if it's 2-sided. Like E said he'll stay in touch, which I didn't expect from him. So as long as he wants to I'll keep in touch. But this maybe kinda shows that sometimes you can focus on one person too much, that you forget the other people around.