Dear Alex,
So first of all, if Blogspot  was an app, life would be soooo much easier!

Well, today I survived aha. One "attack", no reason. All of the other times it was my mind. It was me thinking about too much sad shit at once. But today's "attack" wasn't like that. It was more physically. Like I felt like my head squeezed ( or something) and that I was running out of air. J was sitting next to me. She asked me what was happening, and what I was thinking about. But I couldn't answer. I suddenly kinda felt like anything I did then the whole world would judge me. So I didn't even leave the class. But then I decided to help myself. I tried to just ignore and keep the work going, but I couldn't. Then I focused on J's breathing. I think she noticed that it helped, because I don't think people normally breathe so slow and loud (wrong word,i think).After couple of minutes I got it all under control.

Social studies went better than usual. I talked more, and according to my teacher that's good. Because apparently I have to potential, but I have to show it more. It's funny how I'm usually on top after one of those "attacks". It's like when they take it all away from me, and remind me to only keep the positive energy.

Our math teacher wasn't there today so we had this other guy. He's quite young, and most of the girls in my class think that he's hot as hell but that he's annoying. Tbh, his looks are alright but omg love his personality. He's really fun and cheeky. I don't think I've laughed so much since forever.

In German we had to do a presentation about breakfast. Which is really wierd, but our teacher loved my group's presentation, even tho we were 2 weeks late.....oops

Hung out with K after school. It was fun to talk with her after a week or something. I love how wierd we can be together. Yes, wierd. I'm not gonna change the way I spell it.

I'm afraid of ruining my body with bulimia. But it's the only thing that makes me feel good. Today I ate one bite of a bun for breakfast, 2 pieces of bread for lunch (which I planned on purging, but the school toilets were crowded and J wouldn't leave me alone), Ice Cream on the way to K. After not purging those 2 things I felt disgusting, like how do I dare put unneeded fat on my body. So we were at this European Market, where they had all these delicious things. They'd make a good binge, but I didn't buy anything. Then we went to her home again and chilled with our wierd minds.


But when I got home I was hungry as f. So I  a portion of PastaSalad and then 3 pieces of bread with egg, potatoes and tomato. Then I went for a shower. And got it all out. But I'm not sure if it's all out.
It annoys how i can never be sure if it's all out. And that if i wait too long I can't get anything up.

So I feel really empty now. I miss those times like last year Oct-Nov. Like I didn't eat anything at all, but it never made me feel hungry. Just a couple of weeks more and I'll be fine again.

I'm hungry but don't know what to do. Plus I have to do my outline about Body Image tonight....how ironic


-A