I told E about you today. He was really nice about it, and said that i could text him any time. He's now added to my list of fave people, well he's been on there for a while now.

R has a girlfriend, or that's what it sounded like. Her name is Sarah/Sara, I think. Since hearing that I felt like a brick had been thrown in my face. I don't really know why tho, because I'm not jealous. I'm happy for him if it's true. I hope they're both happy. It's a long distance relationship, so I kind of believe in it. I feel like he's slipping away from me, not that he's ever been mine. But I never wanted him that way.

But I just don't like thought of not knowing him anymore in the future. Like he'll be one of my best memories about this school, but he probably won't even remember me. I'm afraid, I don't want this to happen. I just can't take it. I owe him a lot, and I'll never be able to pay him back. The only way I can pay him back is by being there for him, but I think our friendship will just fade away.

So just to give him a tiny reason to remember me, I'm giving him this jar of reasons to smile. I'm gonna fill it up with small compliments and hope it'll help him in the darkest times. And in the inside of the jar, I've taped a note. That says in "Emergency number for sadness: ********" (my number). I'm gonna make a long chain of the compliments, so every time he feels sad he can open a message. And the last message will be "Call me, I promise to listen. It's the least I can do."

Because that way I won't be sad if he never calls me, I'll just be like "Well, that probably means he's happy".

On the other hand I think keeping in touch with E will be easier. Talking/Chatting with him daily makes me happy. He's always nice, and supportive. He's an amazing guy.

-A