Dear Alex, 
I'm so happy for J. She got a boyfriend. I don't know him much, but from what I know he sounds like a nice guy. Just to be sure, that my girl isn't around with some troublemaker I checked his Facebook. He's 2-3 years older than us. I guess that's alright. Plus, he isn't that attractive. Don't get me wrong, he's not attractive from my point of view. Which I think is good. Because attractive guys tend to be more player types. If he ever hurts her, I swear I'll kill. 

This kinda makes me sad. I'm not saying I'm not happy for her, I'm beyond happy for them. She deserve all good in life. But when people get into relationships, they often forget their friends. She's my only friend, and I won't handle it. 

I'm kinda jealous too. Because she's with a guy again. She got guys waiting for her all the time. She's perfect. She's pretty, gorgeous hair, perfect body, athletic and perfect personality. She's the pretty friend. I'm the one who is just there. 

No boy have ever liked me. No one has ever had a crush on me. I'm not saying that you aren't a boy. I bet you wouldn't even have liked me, if it weren't for that time where T left us at her house for 2 hours and we were kinda forced to get to know each other. But you know? I've never been the type who is into having a boyfriend. And you knew it. 

My mind works the way that, there is no need to tell everyone that you're in a relationship as long as you know you love each other. Like why would you want them to know? I remember more than you'd wish I did remember. Your childish little love.

What were you even thinking,baby? You thought I would want a boyfriend when I was 12? You know? If it wasn't you, the friendship we had would've ended that second. But only because it was you it didn't, because I loved you already as my best friend. I hoped that friendship would develop thru the years. Not go from bestfriends to couple in a day, but slowly turn into love. 

Now when I think about it, I regret a lot. It still doesn't change that I think having a boyfriend at that young age is pointless. But I do wish you were my first love. 

-A