I don't even understand why I care and love R so much. Who is he to me? why should I care? Why can't I just stop caring? Why does his happiness mean so much to me? He's not even my angel. Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I having so many thoughts that can't be explained? You know? I'm not giving him any gifts for his b-day. No cake.No sweets. No drawing. Not even gonna wish him.
Because If I get close to him now, I'll have really hard time when he moves away. I can't handle that. I'm gonna start cutting him out of my life.
But what do I do? I'm not gonna talk with J about my problems ever again. I don't wanna make other people feel bad, becasue of my own problems. But I can't just suddenly turn to that all happy person again. I hate how I am now. I miss the one I used to be. The one who jokes all the time, and laughs about nothing. The one who had friends, and enjoyed life. The one without any scars.
The one who didn't get nervous about completely. The one that didn't even notice R in class. Maybe even the one who crushed on him.
I'm gonna move on. New life.Same ME.No friends.
