Dear Alex, 
Today has been alright, nothing special happened. But I still feel like I got a lot to tell you. Oh, I showed R the picture of you. He said that you look more like his brother. Maybe you do, but when I say I see you in R. I mean the way you are. You are both the most amazing boys, I've ever known. I've been thinking about this thing for a while. It really bothers me. You are the only person who loved me, even after knowing everything about me. You gave me the hope about boys back, but then you were gone. I lost my hope again. Because I think the only reason you loved and understood me, was because you're an Angel. My sad empty feelings are starting to get back to me now. I really don't like it, but this time I'll try to control better. I don't want the summer to come. I know everyone loves summer, and want sun and holiday. But I don't. I want this spring to last forever. I don't even want holidays. If I could be away from home forever, I would. R and his mates are moving away this summer. I wish it was me moving. I just can't accept the fact that when I finally find some people I like, they move away. There are no reason to be here anymore. I don't get it. I'm gonna try enjoy the last months as much as possible. People tell me to get over it. Fucking get over it. Are they crazy? This isn't some kinda break-up to get over. If anybody ever knew as much as you did, they would hate me. They would wish they didn't know me.

The past 2 years R has been the memory about you that kept me alive. But what will I do after summer? What if we don't talk anymore? I hope we do. But there is no chance. I think he's the type who only keeps in touch with a very very few people. It's funny, how I'm always the one who care too much or have to let go.
But I guess that's how life is.

To a happier thing. My new mission is to learn skateboarding before the summer is over. Sounds great,right? I know what's on your mind,right now. But I think my balance is better now. Well, I hope it is.

-A