So this is what happiness is like?

Dear Angel,
I had this really bad time yesterday, where I really wanted to commit. But I'm happy that I didn't. I only cut a little bit too deep, but oh well. Shit happens.

So in school we're starting on this project thing. And R chose to be in group with J & me. Isn't this fabulous? So we're starting on the project in week 10, it's about The Good Life. That week is gonna be amazing. You know? Just the 3 of us :) and we're allowed to wherever we want to. So we don't have to go school. Unless we want to. Sometimes I ask myself which feeling I actually have for R? because sometimes I think I have a crush on him. But I really don't. It's just a feeling that can't really be described. I love him more than I would ever admit. But I'd not want him as my boyfriend. Like a best friend,maybe. It's probably the fact that my angel and R is so alike that confuses me sometimes.

I missed both PE lessons today, because I had this huge breakdown-ish attacky thingy. Not cool, I know. But it was nice to talk with J, it's funny how much she know about me now. Oh, and this annoying hoe was talking to me, and I was really not feeling well. So I just yelled "Do you want my fist in your face?!", then she left. It was really rude of me, but oops. After that my teacher came and asked what's wrong, and had this loooooooooooong talk with me about that they just want to help me, and they can only do it if I let them. Then after PE I was waiting for the bus with some girls. They were talking gossip, and they they asked me who my project partners were. I said R&J, then this girl said "Aw, cute! It was probably R or J who asked. They definately got a thing" That pissed me off so much.
So I just walked away,because of that I missed my bus too. But I saw R some metres away, so I decided to call him and tell him to wait, because I can't really run because of my bad knee. I actually don't know where I got this sudden confidence from. I wouldn't normally have the courage to go just talk with him. So we walked home together. It was really nice talking to him, and for once I felt like being myself with a person.
I usually feel like I'm being a another person around some people, and I get this feeling that what if I forgot who I'm being. But with him I could just be myself. It was fantastic!

You all probably think I got a crush on him.But I really don't, I just love him.

-A